talk alot
Monday, August 08, 2005
i know there wont be a chance you will be reading this post but i just feel i should dedicate this to you. [even if you have a chance to, i believe you wont know what im writing about coz it's all in english. perhaps i should have written it years back, before you forget almost everything after you woke up after you were in coma for so long. at least, at that time, i have the confidence you can read this. =).]
close to 17 years back, you held me a very grand one month old celebration. i sure was blessed to have you as my grandpa. you doted on us all. i could tell that you didnt have the prejudiced thinking which many grandparents normally have. you loved your granddaughters as much as you loved your grandsons. though i didnt know a thing about my one month celebration but i know you threw that levish party just for me coz i was told so.
i guess there still were many things you did for me when i was young but i dont know what they exactly were. i was too young to understand anything. but when i was old enough to understand a thing, after lia was born i think, the most memorable thing you did was to bring us to sentosa. i remember you came home earlier than usual, around 12pm, made sure we kids had our lunch then suddenly ordered the maids to change all of us. i cant remember how many of us were there but i know 2 maids came along, ah mah too. but i know from my family, only ken and i were there. you asked us all to get into the car and you just drove us without letting us know where will we be heading to. i just know all of us were very excited. =). when we finally reached, you did a head count before walking us to the underwater world. you bought us a gift each after we took a tour to see those marine creatures and brought us to somewhere near the underwater world to have some snacks. after everything, we headed for home. our parents were waiting for us. i guess they didnt know that you had the intention to bring us to sentosa coz everyone asked their child, "where did you all go?" then after we answered, our parents gave us a "ARE YOU SURE?" look. =). i sure enjoyed myself. so did my cousins, i bet.
about a year later, my family moved out. we didnt have our surprise sentosa trips anymore. i dont get to see my cousins daily. =(. i didnt have you nor ah mah to play with too. the most i get to see the both of you only on sundays. sunday mornings back then were like a routine. every week we would go to the same restaurant for dim sum. after dim sum, we either go to the country club, the zoo, sentosa or shopping centres. it continued till the restaurant shifted. we didnt get to go out together that often again. =(.
in 1998, you wanted us to shift back with you all. i seriously wanted to but mommy refused. i dunno whether you know her reasons for not wanting to shift back. i dunno if you blame her for it. but i have to let you know that she really has her reasons behind it and i understand it so i hope you do too. since then, i started putting up at your house during vactions. you ordered the maid to make the room special just for me, made sure i slept well and that i was full. you even cooked mee sua for me as requested. i really love eating the food you cooked.
sometimes you come over to our house to stay coz you wanna see us. and everytime before you go to bed, you would be holding onto some papers which you learnt english with. you sure would finish at least one page before turning in. you taught me the meaning of "huo tao lao xue dao lao". =).
there are just too many things to write. i shall skip some parts.
the last time i heard you call my name without thinking who i am was on ah mah's bday in 1999. the cajjl had a bday celebration for ah mah. after cutting the cake, you told us you wanted to go to bed already coz you were having a headache. mommy came to pick me up and i told her about it. she went to buy some tonics for you the next morning. she told me she would be dropping them at your house after dropping me at school. but the next thing i knew was, after school mommy came to pick me and ken, you had stroke. everyday after school, mommy would bring us to mt.e to accompany you. talk to you when you were still in coma. all of us were hoping that you woke up soon. it took you a few months to wake up. even when you were awake, you couldnt remember all of us. especially your grandchildren. despite us telling you many times who we were, you dont seem to remember. after you were discharged, daddy made it a point that we gotta visit you close to everyday. well, at least when he is in singapore. yet after so long, you still dont know my name.
ah gong, i really miss your mee sua. when can i eat it again? just once more and i will be contented. hais. why am i asking for so much when you cannot even remember me? it's painful to have to witness this in my life. can you please get well soon? i beg you. remember us all again.
with love,
amanda
emotion-less
