ELFY

theIMPERFECTperfectionist

Monday, November 28, 2005

didnt really sleep.
couldnt sleep well.
im feeling too pain in the heart.
it feels like a knife just pierced through my heart.
im seriously very disappointed.
i dont get why you didnt talk to us about your problems?
perhaps we could help.
you should jolly well know how much we cared.
i really dont wish that it was you.
but the fact is it.
what more can i say?
denying instead of admitting really made us disappointed.
i just want you to know your mistakes and dont do anything like this again.
just look at how old you are.
you still got a long way to go.
i dont wish this thing will end up a threat to your future.
it isnt worth.

you said you promise but it was a lie.
tears of disappointment.

emotion-less

Sunday, November 27, 2005

im now suffering from a terrible heartache.
i guess im a lil upset and disappointed la. =(.
i wanna cry so badly.
but i just gotta control myself.

there's just so much to do yet so little time.
i thought i could pack my room and throw away stuffs i wont need and dont want.
but i dunno where to start.
i dont want my maid to do it coz she'll make me dont know where my stuffs are placed at.
-.-"

all the problems and all are making me go crazy.
when can all these just get out of my mind???!!!
i wanna be LEFT ALONE!

was cleaning my voilin just now.
it was filled with dust la.
haven touched it for like dunno how many years.
i think got 3 years already. =x.

while waiting for the usual peeps to finish DOTA-ing this MORNING, min pig chel pl and i talked abt last time.

sometimes i wish i could go back to the past.
it was really too enjoyable la.
life wasnt as boring.
going out want a chore to me then.

WE COULD DO JUST WHATEVER WE WANTED WHENEVER WE LIKE.
last min decision to catch a movie.
after school lunch trips to LJS.
every week AT LEAST one day out to town.
the always neoprint life.
makan at restaurants.
shopping trips.
and so many more.
we just didnt have to bother much. there wasn't a problem at all. NO CASH STRAIN. NTH.
we could enjoy ourselves like nobody's business. play as a group and not wait/watch like idiots.

I JUST MISS LIFE THEN SO.

emotion-less

just got up an hour ago. yawns. TIRED TTM. mom made me wake up. then as expected, i was reprimanded.
got home at about 7 plus. i swear it was tiring. anyway, ytd was stucked at many places. poor thing right? me pig and chel were like mad girls. LOL. climb here and there just to settle down properly to talk. but when we finally settled down, the guard asked us down. ok wtf. haha. the best thing about ytd/today was the talk. =).
chilling at starbucks was not bad la. just that it was kinda crowded. haha.
i have so much to say but im just too tired.
ANYWAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY GX!

emotion-less

Saturday, November 26, 2005

back from rush.
went club in the end la. coz sore eyes got better.
NO KICK LA!
my poor toes... i wanted to cry so much coz it hurt badly.
IMAGINE LA! IT STILL HURTS NOW! -.-

cookies and cakes were quite well done. heh. =D!
cookies not as salty already. haha. should be counted an improvement i guess. (from ytd's)
cake alright la. normal lor.
kinda happy with my achievement. LOL.

anyway, sometimes i really dunno what to say about my maid.
i saw more than 10 bras hanging in the toilet.
ALL MINE.
she simply took for granted i got many bras that's why she left it to air for SO LONG.
i really dont like her way of doing things.
i know if i ask her where's my particular bra, she'll go, "you got so many why you must find that to wear?"
it's always this that pisses me off.
GRRR.

im contented with my life. <3.

emotion-less

Friday, November 25, 2005

went to 85 last night to meet yimin eslynn chel potato and gx. i swear potato was one irritating ass la. anyway, i brought my cookies for them to try. i know la. it was kinda salty. luckily they finished all that i brought down. =). comment was as expected - too salty already. okok. i promise to make changes then make new batch. =). oh yah. potato was damn sarcastic la. he was like, "zhe shi ni di yi chi zuo cookie ar?" then i said by myself yes. then he sorta ask me preserve one la. wtf lor. then potato was like talking abt clubbing today. then i heard smths that made me sorta change my mind abt going. 1 is people should know what. 2 is i might be the only girl going. -.-".
was hoping so much baobei would be going.
anyway got home at around 11. bathe and blablabla. when i was preparing to sleep, my left eye suddenly become red. i was like so pissed off ok. i mean sore eye then blocked nose. wth la.
today everything's better than ytd. i know it's only ABIT but at least better than nth la. cant go club tonight. -.-". shall just stay indoors bake my cookies and cake la.

SORRY DANNETH. cant go club tonight. shall make it up.

emotion-less

Monday, November 21, 2005

♥
i cant rmb how i met this guy. neither could i rmb how i fell in love with him.

he ISNT
the perfect guy i always yearn for.
the kind of guy who will give in. (i feel)
the boy who DONT SMOKE.
i really dont want my boy to smoke!
himself if he wont drink.

see. i just dont know him well enough. how am i supposed to be with him?

in addition, how am i to be sure about his feelings for me? whether it's true anot? it's been more than a month since we last chatted on the phone. we are not as close as before. that's one fact i have to face. but well, what can i do? all i ask for is my heart and mind to work together then gimme my answer to whether to accept or not.

i dont want another fling/short term relationship. i want things to work out. it'll only be possible if two hearts can really beat as one.

HOW MUCH DO YOU LIKE ME?

i rmb it was A LIL one and a half month ago. but what about now? that's what matters most.
also, im afraid my feelings for you fade faster than anything. who knows? maybe tmr i wont even like you a single bit.

SO CONFUSED.

others, i wont consider at all. it'll be YOU if i really make up my mind to have a bf. the feel that faded completely is back. but it's only a lil. it might increase or even decrease. nobody knows.

emotion-less

Sunday, November 20, 2005

ytd i was like farking bored at home. came online then decided to catch a movie later in the day. supposed to be like a gG and LJB outing. ok fine. i helped call mabel. she was with jw so easy job. pig was out of town. yimin will be watching with her gf on mon. stupid cp had study date. so imagine what a gG and ljb outing was it ment to be. anyway, asked kirk to check but he took like AGES! so i went offline and said i dont wanna go already. made up my mind to go over to my aunt's place at woodlands with my family.
i didnt wanna go la. but my mom kept forcing me to go. so it shouldnt really be MADE UP MY MIND. but well, i cant be bothered to change already la.
just as i stepped out of my house door, clar called. he ask me to dont ps him. ok wtf. i asked my mom if i could go for movie around evening time, she said NO. she die die want me go aunt's place. so i told clar to watch the movie later in the night.
once i reached my aunt's place, i took food to eat la. then down there rot.
my grandaunt slapped my brother. then my brother like wanna fight with her lor. wtf. then luckily grandma was there to stop. if not, who knows? maybe my grandaunt would end up hospitalised? hmmm.
ok. anyway, clar got the tix for harry potter at 8.30pm over at cs.
not bad timing la. just nice after dinner, my mom dropped me at tamp then headed for home.
stupid them fool me. luckily i used the "OK LOR. I GO HOME LOR." trick. LOL. anyway we were seated at the first row. so imagine how farking pain my neck was. damned. anyway the show was not bad la. that handsome guy DIED! -.-".
slacked around after the movie. when mable jw and me wanted to leave, we saw gx and min. so ended up not leaving. went to mac to sit sit. eat fries. shared with jw la. coz cant finish the whole thing. sabrina and bc fought. -.-". violent couple.
went home after yimin finished eating her damn nugget student meal.
i didnt avoid. i wont be either. i just dont wanna see them. as simple as that. with no reasons to WHY.

emotion-less

Thursday, November 17, 2005

cant keep my eyes off BRAS.
or should it be BREAST instead. =x.

frankly speaking, i just have this weird habit of staring at ladies' chest. its like my natural reaction to do that. yes, people might think im sick or smth. some might even be calling me a pervert. but well, go ahead and say whatever you like. i cant be bothered.
to me, there isnt actually anything wrong looking at other's chest other than being RUDE. i know being rude is enough but i cant help it. anyway, its like im actually taking a risk by doing things like that. like who knows? maybe one day down the road im slapped for this? though i know it isnt right for me to do this, it never came across my mind that i'll stop doing what i like.

i just like describing how the boobs look on each and every female. the most common terms i use on them are FIRM, SAGGY, BIG, FLAT.

normally, i'll go overly excited when i see boobs that sag. its like as if the lift got stucked at the lowest level. i'll imagine how to bring it back to life and maintain it's firmness. i dont really comment on firm ones. in fact i give compliment/s. guess its becoz im envious. haha. big ones make my eyes get ONE BIG ONE SMALL. flat ones will remind me of certain people, push-up bras and bust enhancement! it turns me off when i see flats. well, i must admit im no better though. =x.

emotion-less

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

The tears of disappointment

who knows? who expected?
NOBODY.
NOT ME AT LEAST.

it's been so long since i last cried. i thought i wont cry that hard unless i suffer another heartache.
BUT! i was just so wrong.
absolutely wrong.
terribly wrong.

i guess i just didnt know myself as well as i thought.

maybe i was too emotional. i should have controlled myself. it's like CRY FOR WHAT?! those tears were precious to me. crying would only make me look uglier. the swollen eyes could be avoided IF I DIDNT CRY.

CRY CRY CRY.

why am i still such a crybaby?

i cried almost everyday as a small girl. i cried when i didnt get what i wanted. i cried when my parents scolded me. i cried when i see people sad. i cried when my results were lousy. i cried when i watch touching tv shows. (tear i mean) i cried when i found out derek lied to me.

i thought i grew up when i stopped all these i did above when i was younger. (except the tv shows one) i didnt expect myself crying today becoz i was sad, upset over the slightest thing. i really meant SLIGHTEST THING. if you know why i cried, you'll think im sick. seriously.

SO PEOPLE, DO ME A FAVOUR. DONT ASK ME WHY I CRIED.

it's not that im ashamed of crying. (if im ashamed, i wont blog to say i cried la. use a lil common sense ok?) i just feel a lil weird. i haven cried for so long and when i actually FINALLY managed to cry, it was over the lamest thing. oh god! and it's like SO MANY people saw me cry before. so does it actually make a difference when i only cried to my pillow today? no eyes witnessed me today as a crybaby. so what's there to be ashamed of?

i doubt anyone understands how i feel. i cant possibily tell people at home i cried. they'll make a big fuss over it. and obviously, they'll try talking sense into me. WHAT FOR? it's the problem with my emotion. can it be controlled? IT CANT. i should just tell the whole world that MY EMOTIONS CANNOT BE CONTROLLED.

the conclusion shall still be as it is:
AMANDA HASNT GROWN TO BE A MATURED LADY. IN FACT, SHE'S STILL A CRYBABY.

it's one big painful fact which i choose to avoid and hide.

i wanna be ALONE and AWAY.

emotion-less

received a msg from baobei at 4.50am. guess she's still sleeping now so instead of replying her the sms, i shall blog right here.
many misses`
2 whole years spent together as classmates, many memories shared.
the list just goes on and on. too many to list in such a short time.
also, there are many many many more to go. it's not gonna just be the past two years. it's gonna be many years together. it'll last a lifetime.

emotion-less

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

called canon to ask abt repairing of my aiai. think i'll go down later to get it fixed. sianed. i hope it'll be done before this sat. coz i think i wanna get tixs over on sat. im just too bored here. sg is getting boring. guess i'll bring amelia over. i cant possibily bring tina too coz it's like im only 17 leh! it's gonna be oh so troublesome la. im not a mommy k. haha.
haven been able to meet up with some of those O lvls peeps. =(. miss them many many. shall see when aiai is ready for collection then i'll decide on when to leave. these few days if can shall go meet up with my lovables. gonna miss them plenty plenty.
the white green purple pink gums.

the awaiting LOVE...

emotion-less

Monday, November 14, 2005

OH GOSH!
I'M SO ADDICTED!!!

emotion-less

just realised that i haven updated the LINKS column. some of my friends have already changed their blog add but i didnt make any changes to them. supposed to add more friends who created new blogs, but i'm too lazy to do so. guess i'd just leave it as it is till i feel like changing.

you told me you'll call.
i waited...
IM DISAPPOINTED.

know what? it's no longer gonna be the same anymore. i guess it's partly coz of my feelings. it's dried up for you. i should have made it clear at first but i dunno why i didnt manage to express it out. one thing i know for sure is we belong to worlds apart. how could we survive together? it's like impossible.

PLUS all the shit that you'll get from me. and vice versa. i might say goodbye faster than anyone would think.

the more i think the more i wonder. am i really cold blooded?

or issit that the guy haven appear in my life?

relationship sucks.
relationship hurts.
relationship aint my kinda thing.

im better off alone and away.

emotion-less

Sunday, November 13, 2005

yes. im rude. my behaviour is like shit. my attitude cant be tolerated.
SO WHAT?!
i dont live my life for you so you farking dont have the rights to tell me what am i supposed to do. i do what i want. NOBODY CAN TELL ME WHAT TO DO. the only people who can tell me what to do are my parents and my maternal grandparents. OTHERS JUST SHUDDUP! even my parents and grandparents know their limits and wont push me too far. especially when im now growing up. they know i need my own thoughts and all. BUT YOU?! just think about how i answer you EVERYTIME you ask me a question. that's where you stand. NOWHERE IN MY HEART.
just like leave me alone, can't you do this simple lil thing? whenever im talking to my mommy, just shuddup and listen if you wanna hear. DONT EVER COMMENT. coz i really cannot stand it. i dont wanna answer you back becoz you are afterall an elderly. i always tolerate and mommy knows it. she always tells me to forget it. if it's not for mommy, you think i'll do this? SORRY BUT NO!
dont think that chocolates can make me less fiery.

emotion-less

ytd went to jw's place to celebrate her bday.
had fun mahjong-ing. LOL. though dont really know how to play la. but agar agar can la. at first was yimin me and jw's 2 aunts play then ended up changing shifts. haha. the last round was willie sushen pig and me. that was around like say 6 in the morning. =x. so imagined what time we left k. haha. the bbq last night was not bad la. i helped to bbq k! the chicken wings were NICE. heh.
pl was farking kp. he kept singing that guo mei mei's bu pa bu pa. wtf k. then this chye peng make me laugh like hell k. whenever he threw out the "FA" tile, he'll go "FUCK!". and the way he talked la. you'll go crazy laughing. and this yimin oso. she can play play play then suddenly laugh. a lil crazy yea? haha.
in all, everything ytd was perfect except the childish play. well, i shant give a damn.

emotion-less

Thursday, November 10, 2005

if you ask me do i still like any of my exs now, my answer is NO, i dont like any.
if you ask me who do i like, i'll say NOBODY.
if you ask me am i cold blooded, my answer is MABYE.
if you ask me if im not straight, i'll say THERE"S POSSIBILITY.

i used to like someone around a month ago but i my feelings for him is gone TOTALLY now. so pls gimme a conclusion. WHAT'S WRONG WITH AMANDA LEE?!

i just cant help fantasising about that perfect guy that i want. i think that's the reason to why im so numb towards guys. or rather relationships. that perfect guy haven appeared and i doubt he'll appear anytime soon. i guess i have to wait patiently for what i want.

the other J.
he was the one i last thought of. the last guy on my mind. but why issit that the feel is gone? tell me somebody. why cant i love/like someone for long?

emotion-less

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

it's been a long day for me yesterday.
shall skip the details in front.
my lovables came over to my place. =))). namely yimin chel clar and potato. pig was supposed to come too but she didnt in the end. i miss her alot alot alot ok! 1 month leh! well, shall meet up for sakae later. =))). with two other lovables.
ok back to ytd.
went down to the busstop to wait for chel with min. angie went down with me. hmmm. then went mamashop after she arrived. took the lift up and clar said he was downstairs so we waited for him. went to my house together. watched a bit of tong xin yuan. potato ass took years to come. -.-"
after yimin ate her porridge, we were back in the room again. i was trying to fix up some my printer stuffs when i heard clar faking. he was so bad can?! then after that they ask me answer the call. pig was on the line. i didnt wanna bluff her so i passed the phone back. it's none of my business coz i wasnt the one who wanted to play this prank. so well well well. hmmm.
they ordered mac later in the night. around 10+ going to 11. i didnt eat coz i was too full la.
it's not that guys cant come to my house. it's just that i dont want just anyone coming to my place. so far only 4 guys came to my place OPENLY. i choose who can and who cant come over.

emotion-less

Friday, November 04, 2005

it's humid. oh dear. im getting sick.
it's getting more chalky. wonder what that means. hmmm.
4 more days. it's like so fast. many misses, many loves.
yimin mentioned to me about the genting trip. i doubt they'll go in the end anyway. even if they are going, i doubt i'll go already la. just imagine... hmmm. think, and you'll know why.
anyway, i wanna clarify this once and for all. I HAVE NO BOYFRIEND! stop asking me!!! im still young so i got a few more years to look for my bf. that perfect guy i want. now it's for me to play and enjoy. not to commit. i cannot make it la. =x. so kor kor, qing bu yao ask me again la.
in places no one will find all your feelings so deep inside.
oh sky! you are such a big bully!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the pink the green the purple the white gums. im so obsessed. dont ask me why.

emotion-less

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

the day before ytd was yang kor kor's bday. but he wasnt around la. he accompanied his wife to hk. so we celebrated ytd. i tell you, i am sick and tired of the food. the only thing i know i will never get sick of is prawns. and you know, im really picky when it comes to food. then daddy kept giving me food that i never dared to try. luckily biao jiu helped me arbo i tell you can die la. after eating i told myself i no need eat dinner already la. farking full k. plus i eat till scared already. =x. but dinner go eat again! sort of to celebrate kor kor's bday again. then they ordered a dunno what kinda rice. very special and nice one. then i didnt wanna eat la. coz i was too full. but kor kor said i should eat. so i ate lor. bday boy give one must gei mian zi what. there was some ass stuffs that happened there la. nb. i felt like scolding the lady lor. she is so nbcb. forget it. hmmm. after that we left for home. me daddy and kor kor took one cab. biaojiu and sue took another. same place but boh bian cannot puay la. we reached at almost the same time. sue went to her block while the rest of us went to ours. always is i open the door one la. -.-". it's always the same way of pressing both levels' button. in the lift, i suddenly thought of kor kor's wife. so i asked him where's she. then he said at hk. then i was like HUH? FOR? coz in my heart i was thinking HEY EXCUSE ME! SALLY'S STOMACH IS SO BIG LEH! HOW COULD YOU LET HER BE THERE ON HER OWN?! then he said she's gonna give birth there. omg. blurred. then he told me when she's giving birth and when he's going up. then biao jiu and daddy asked me if i wanna go over hk. prolly with kor kor. but i thought no la. wait till dec then go ba. later kor kor go see sally and the baby then i do what? shop alone? AGAIN?! NO WAY! shall wait till my family goes. =). i miss them so!
just had brunch. kfc~ i ordered family set la. so i made daddy, ml, jx and susu eat with me. =).

emotion-less

PAST

August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006

EXITS

amy
april
choon hwee
chye peng
clarence
edmund
edward
evelyn
felicia
gilselle
huifang
jacinda
jiapei
jiawen
junheng
kewei
kirby
mabel
mary
nicholas
peng
sebas
shiying
yimin/gx

AMANDA

december26
17 going on 18
indecisive
extremely lazy


OBSESSIONS

my family
my pretty babes
my bed


WEAKNESSES

chocolates
ice cream
butterflies
crowns

talk alot

Bad id: "elfy"
(There is no flooble chatterbox with this id. It may have been deleted, or never existed. You can sign up for a new account if you wish.)