talk alot
Monday, July 10, 2006
to me, life should be flawless.
BUT the fact is the opposite.
lately, i'm getting FAR TOO emotional.
just a teeny weeny thing, i'll cry.
i dunno what's wrong.
becoz if i could find out the root, i'll definitely not let my emotions control me.
if this goes on for just a few more days, i'm gonna be better off DEAD.
i've had been watching tv tv and more tv to spend my time.
and all the shows had been those that make me cry even more.
i feel like im torturing myself.
but i cant help it at all.
i stuff myself with food to prevent my tears.
where will that bring me to?
NOWHERE. JUST FATS EVERYWHERE.
i'm not gonna bother what anyone would say.
i'm less concerned with those insignificant people i've met in my life.
they are nobody to me.
ONLY TRUE FRIENDS STAY CLOSE.
and it's those usual peeps.
i can only smile by thinking of them or seeing their photos.
it might sound stupid but
they are the only medicine to my sickness.
i dont wanna lose a single one of them.
and i believe i wont either.
THEY ARE ALREADY A PART OF MY LIFE.
part of me live for them.
another part is my family.
i really love each and every one of them.
but i never told any of them I LOVE them.
all i did was show temper all the time.
scream and shout.
and EVERYTHING that i shouldnt be doing.
even if they're right, i will see things to be wrong.
it seems to be a habit.
and they seem to have gotten used or smth, they all give in.
it sounds so ridiculous.
i feel like an idiot.
there used to be another part which is ME.
but it's all gone now.
i once told myself i live becoz of the love for myself and those who love me.
yet now i feel im hating myself more and more each day instead.
my life is screwed.
i ruined my own life.
thinking back to the past now makes me feel so stupid.
all the decisions i made in the past which leaves me nothing but regrets.
slacking might sound great,
playing might sound fun,
having no need to go to school might sound so enjoyable.
BUT ALL THESE ARE LEADING ME TO REGRETS.
life is so short yet i dunno how to live it to its fullest.
so much so that im still doing nothing now.
not even knowing what i really want.
i feel so useless.
im gonna breakdown in no time.
emotion-less
